10 Reasons Why I Hate Houston

I've really had it with Houston today, but why should today be any different from any other day. So here are the Top 10 reasons why I wish my husband's company would send us somewhere else- anywhere else, even outer Mongolia!!

10. Pretentiousness- "THE" Woodlands- accent on "THE." Yup, one of the- excuse me, "THE"- suburbs of Houston is actually called "THE" Woodlands. I admit the capitalization and quotations are mine, but when they say it, it sounds like how I wrote it- "THE" Woodlands.

9. Smog- must I live in a city where the ozone alerts start in April and end in October??

8.Traffic- Names of the highways are crazy-weird here. Each highway has 3 identifications- the number, a North Houston name and a South Houston name. And don't get me started on the whole Kuykendall name, either. There is no "r" in the name, so why do people insist on calling that street Kirkendall??

7. Traffic- Stop signs were put up for a reason, and just because your car is bigger than mine, it still doesn't mean you have the right of way if I got to the Stop sign, first. Oh, and bicyclers, you ARE supposed to follow the rules of the road, too. You MUST stop at Stop signs, too, whether you like it or not. Same for you guys at the golf course. If the road you are crossing is a public access road, and NOT behind the gates, you have no right-of-way. Just ask any cop- I did.

6. Traffic- Speed Limits are there for our safety and just because I choose to go the speed limit and you are running late does not give you the right to tailgate me and almost cause an accident because you couldn't leave your house 5 minutes earlier.

5. Traffic- Most of the highways in all three of their personalities can be major parking lots at any time of the day anywhere in Texas. And FYI, if the guy in front of me is not moving, then neither am I, so quit honking and tailgating.

4. Traffic- the inability of those with large vehicles- Suburbans, Hummers, SUVs, pick-ups, mini-vans- to actually park their auto correctly. Sometimes they take up 2 spaces, or park at an angle in a non-angled slot. I was once blocked in by a guy in a pick-up who had parked his vehicle just as I was getting ready to leave. He became upset with me because I asked him to park a little straighter so I could get out. I even used the word "please." There is absolutely no reason to call me a *itch.

3. Traffic- Hummers. I have never seen so many Hummers in one place. It's no wonder we have all those ozone alerts. Oh, and to the guy in the olive green Hummer who called me a "fat *itch," sorry about your penis.

2. Traffic- Drivers on the phone. Honestly, people, haven't you heard of bluetooth??? Most cars come equipped with it and it goes through your speakers in your car. And, no, you cannot drive and talk on the phone at the same time. You've almost run me off the road on several occasions, hit me in the parking lot, and oh, yeah, blocked me into my parking space!!

1. Traffic (were you expecting something different??)- I have been tailgated by people on phones and was forced off the road on more than one occasion because they were encroaching on my tailgate. I have been almost hit by people who decide that they can make me speed up by tailgating. On the flip side, if everyone else, including me, is passing you, please move over to the far right lane. And, just because you drive a big-ass, flashy, pretentious, gas-guzzling, ozone deteriorating, over-priced vehicle and pull up to the stop sign after me does not give you the right of way. I do realize your huge car could crush my Prius, as could your carbon footprint, but I was there first.

Can you tell that despite that is absolutely gorgeous outside, I still have issues with Houston and it's traffic???